Too Much, Too Soon?

Whenever people talk about dating, everyone has their own definition of "dating". Even with the various definitions, people still muddy the waters when it comes to exactly why they are dating. As in what's the purpose? At the end of the day, what are you trying to accomplish?

I went through this phase, after I had dated someone on and off for about 5 yrs, where I wanted to date, but not with the purpose of establishing a relationship and having a partner/companion. During that time, I had just gotten out of a relationship that was more trouble than it was worth and I just wanted to "have fun." In actuality that meant, dressing up and looking cute and going out and about on somebody else's dime.. Now don't get me wrong, if I am in a more serious relationship or perhaps I have gone on several dates with the same person, then I have no problems paying sometimes.. But at this particular point that I am referring to, I wasn't paying for jack.. I felt entitled… If I'm gonna get cute to come hang out with you, then you're gonna pay the check.. LOL! I have to laugh at myself sometimes.. I was "something else." and anybody that was putting up with me back then, well I'm sure they earned some points in heaven for that..

Anyway back to dating.. Somehow or another, I realized that not every relationship is gonna be more trouble than its worth and it would actually be nice to have a consistent person in my life.. Now let me get this straight, I have tons of consistent friends (men and women) but not really someone who I can call up and say "Let's go get some lettuce wraps." Or, "come with me to wash my car." Yeah, I know those are regular things that I can do with anybody.. But I'm talking a consistent companion I guess. I was in a relationship once that just felt natural.. Like we could read each other's minds. I didn't have to say I was upset, happy, angry, nothing.. He just knew. That probably had more to do with us spending time and actually knowing each other. Anyway, that's what I want again..

So, I was having a conversation with a man. Now I am very good about setting out the boundaries up front. I will let you know what you cannot do all day long.. Or what I won't tolerate.. LOL! I don’t' know if that is a strength or what.. But let's just be clear about it, I know what I do not want. Problem is, narrowing down to what I do want.
Anyway, back to this conversation.. Mr. ATL called me Sunday and told me he was going to come to Charlotte yesterday after I got off work to see me. Immediately, my radar went off.. "What is he trying to do?" "What does he think this is?" "Maybe we need to set some ground rules before he gets here." LOL!

So I shot him a text.. ~Oh, how I wish I was the genius that created text messaging.!~ Anyway, the text went something like this. "I can't wait to see you either. However, just want to make sure you know that I am not applying to be a "drop in" or a "buddy." He writes back that he is well aware of this. So, I'm thinking good, we got that out of the way. Well he sends another text that says "So tell me what you are applying for?" ~CRICKETS!~ Ummmm….. Ummmm.. Yeah, well I don't know..

All I know is that I am not trying to be nobody's "buddy." I think it's important that I know where people stand off top. If you are fresh out of a divorce or long term relationship, chances are you probably want to just have fun.. While I am lots of fun, I would like something more, I don't know something that is going somewhere… So I started thinking to myself, what do I really want at the end of the day? What's the purpose of this dating? And at what point do I make it known to the other person? If someone tells me off top that they are not looking for a girlfriend nor wife, then I know then and there that anything romantic is out of the question with this person and they will be quickly placed in the "friend/acquaintance" box.. I don't know.. How do you go about tellign a man "Look, I want what every girl wants at the end of the day.. I want someone that I can become friends with and enjoy my time with them, but I want them to be open to establishing an exclusive relationship. I'm not talking about tomorrow or the next day, but eventually… Got it?" Is this too much, too soon?

I sure wish there was a handbook on this… So what's your dating strategy?