The Games We Play

I know I'm on a dating hiatus, but I was wondering this. When you are considering entertaining interest from someone of the opposite sex, what factors do you look at to determine if you will give them the time of day? What do you look for when dating? Or do you just take whatever comes your way and pray they ain't crazy?

The older I get, the more I tend to pay attention to things I didn't use to pay attention to. Maybe I am good with paying attention to details. At least that's what I've heard from former employers.. The last time someone asked for my telephone number under the pretense of them being interested and wanting to get to know me, this is what happened.

I was walking in the mall with the kid. I walked into a man/boy's store looking for a shirt for Tyler. This store always always has lots of men in it. Anyway, I notice this man walking towards me but I keep going into the store. When I finish in the store, I come out and he's still out there. It seems to me like he is looking at me and trying to figure out if he knows me or not. I keep walking into another store and this time he comes in the store. I'm looking at some shoes and he comes over and says "excuse me, you have a minute?"

Ok, so I look up and this guy is attractive. He proceeds to tell me he noticed me going into the other store and wanted to say something, but didn't. Then he couldn’t walk away and he noticed I didn't have on a wedding ring. So he wanted to know if I was involved and at the time I was not, so I told him no. He tells me his name and tells me he just moved from Atlanta. So I'm looking at him and listening. He actually moved to Greensboro and tells me that his parents live in Charlotte and that's why he is here. So he asks if Tyler is my son (Like anybody can't see that one) and tells me he doesn't have any kids.

So while he is saying this, my brain is processing.. Ok, he looks nice, he is supposedly single with no kids (read no drama, but that may pose a problem b/c I'm done with babies), he lives 1 hr away (which is probably good) and he is here visiting his parents and he at least knows what a healthy relationship looks like..

That right there is one of my biggest problems. Making assumptions based on generalities.. Now in that same situation b/c I found him attractive and did want to hav ea conversation or two, it was ok to give him my number. It's what happens after where the major decision making comes into play.

Red Flag #1 - He calls me the same night, except it's at oh 12 something at night. Yeah, there was no way in hell I was answering that. What working man is up that late making a first phone call? I promptly told him the next day when he called at a decent time not to ever call me after 10 again unless it was an emergency. He acted as if I was overreacting.. Yeah, ok… I've learned to lay down the law right away so that there is no confusion..

Red Flag #2 - He stated he had not been in a relationship in 3 years. When I asked him why, he said it was his choice b/c he didn't feel like beign bothered. ~raising an eyebrow~. Um bothered = relationship. Huh? A straight black man living in Atl and he couldn't find one woman? Yeah, ok..

Red Flat #3 - He kept trying to ask me about previous relationships and more specifically Tyler's dad. I wouldn't answer specific questions. All he needed to know was that he was not here and not causing any problems. Plain and simple. He tells me that black women love a man that will dog them out. And I probably love for a nigga to choke me. WTF? Oh and then he comes up with this story about how he probably got me pregnant on purpose..

Is this enough flags? Once I stopped answering the phone, he actually called more. I finally answered b.c I got sick of it. And asks me why I haven't called him back. I told him something about being busy and tired. Then he says "You probably done met another man." That was IT!!!!!!

What I want to know is, what the hell am I doing wrong? I know for a fact I have got to meet more nuts than the general population of single women. I know I have issues and hang ups, but I'd like to think for the most part I am normal and sane. There must be something I'm missing. So again I ask, what do you observe and look for when considering giving your number out and even dating?