The VIP Area

I've been thinking about somethings lately as it relates to friendships. I think it was Monday when I had a pretty heated exchange via email with someone about friendships. This is someone who I became associated with through church when I joined back in January of last year. We are both single mothers and had joined the church at the same time. Now, I know I'm pretty outgoing most of the time, but my church persona is very different. I don't know what it is or what caused it, but I tend to be weary of folks from church gettign in my personal space. At any rate, after hanging out a couple times with this young lady, I observed something that bothered me. I was new at church and of course didn't really know anybody's name. Sure there are people that you see regularly, but I wouldn’t personally know who is dating who or what they are doing outside the church b/c when I'm at church I might smile and speak, but I ain't holding too many conversations after. If we are working on a project or in a group together then I'll be cordial as well, but you will rarely catch me at somebody's house or something.

Another thing about this young lady is that she told me she had got rid of all of her friends b/c she got saved and they were smoking, drinking and clubbing. I found that interesting b/c I still go to clubs and drink, but she has no problem with me. Or at least that's what I thought. Anywho, I think I wrote about her telling me a couple weeks ago that I wasn't saved. And at that point I decided to basically deal with her from a distance. I'm one of those people who can't really play the "fake the funk game." If I like you, you know it and if I don't, then well you know that too. She's texted mea few times since that "saved" convo. We also had another convo b/c she added me as a friend on facebook and was on limited status. She asked me why and I told her that I didn't want people from church seeing everything on my page. She in turn said "Well I'm not just someone from church, so what are you hiding?" My response "All church people got the same limited view." And that's it. I pretty much could care less what she thought after that. I set my page up the way I want to and if you don't like it, delete the connection!

So I guess you'd say our relationship was going down the tubes. So Sunday she saw me after church and came and hugged me. I told her hello and kept on movign. Maybe my face said "Uh, what the hell?" I'm not sure but on Monday she emailed and asked if I was mad at her. My first mind told me to ignore the email and just don't respond. But there's something inside me that just won't let me do that when people piss me off. I told her I wasn't mad at her I just didn't see the point in us being friends. I don't know I'm sure that was too blunt for some people's tastes, but I don't like beating around the bush. She asked me why and I reminded her of that comment about me being saved, then I reminded her of how I've bent over backwards to be helpful to her and yet all she's done is basically take and take. She commented that I hadn't really let her in my personal space b/c I never invited her to things with my friends and how I wouldn’t let her be on my facebook, etc. I told her that when we first met, she told me all about all these people's business in church and these are people I had no clue on, so if she would do that to them, what would she do to me? That pretty much sealed the convo.

I think a lot of times we have expectations of friendships and sometimes they aren't realistic. For instance, I may think of someone as a close firend and they may just see me as an occasional hang out person. Can I be mad about that? Nope. Everyone is entitled to get to know you and determien how and to what extent you will or won't be apart of their life. Just like I'd meet a man and go on dates and get to know him, if I determine that we aren't suited for a relationship or that I don’t' like his personality traits or character, then it's my right to decide he doesn't get to be in my personal space. What's funny is I don't think women think you can do this with them. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

PS. There is a difference b/t the definition of friend v. acquiantance.

Dear Santa

I've been a very good girl this year.. I've even been kinder and gentler and did a lot less cursing people out this year. Next year I might be able to limit that to one or two times for the whole year!

I even did somethings i didn't want to do to make other people happy. All I want for Christmas this year is a pair of white socks to wear with my sneakers. I like the ones that are short and come right around the ankles.. I wear a size 8 shoe, but you already know this.

If you insist on buying me something else besides the sock, I'd appreciate a purple scarf! Oh and a notepad with my initial on it so I can send some notes and everybody will know who is boss! LOL!

Thanks Santa! Don't let me down this year!

PS. I think the best and most thoughtful gift I received was a couple years ago, my friend Brandy had a big heavy gift bag for me and it was a 12 pack of Coke! LOL!

Food for Thought

I was driving along one day and saw a sign for a new bakery. It might have said "Just Opened" or "Grand Opening" or something and I said, "Oh, I need to go over there." Now if you know me well, you will know I'm not really big into sweets. Matter of fact, I can take them or leave them. I do like to cook them, but you want catch me craving sweets. Tyler said, "Mom, why do u want to go there anyway?"

And at that moment I realized why I wanted to go there. Wasn't b/c they'd have heavenly sweets, but it's b/c of the "Just Opened" sign. In my mind they were a new business and I wanted to support them. Never mind that I didn't know the owners from the man and the moon. I recently had a church member open a boutique. She used to work with me and is who originally invited me to my church when I first moved here. Her husband saw me at church one day and asked if I had checked out her shop. I didn't know about it so he told me where it was.

A few days later, I was in her shop. Now I usually don't shop at boutiques b/c they are over priced in my opinion, but I wanted to support her. I was actually looking for a prize for the lurker giveaway and ended up buying an overpriced scarf and some earrings. If I had been in any other store, I would have dropped that scarf with the quickness and went to Ross or Target and got a scarf, but I wanted to support her business.

I've been thinking about that for a while now. Somethings we could do to help other people, we don't do. In my mind, when someone's opening a new business or just wrote their first book or whatever, I do what I can to support them. Why? I'm planting seeds in other people's lives/endeavors. The same seeds that I would want harvested in my own life and endeavors.

Last week when I delivered lunch to Tyler's teacher, she hugged me and told me that I would never be in need of anything b/c I'm always giving to other people. She told me that people rarely think to thank the janitors. I'm glad she said that b/c Tyler was watching and listening. If he doesn't learn anything else from me, he will learn to sow into other people's lives and he'll never experience lack of anything he needs!

When you think about it, do you support other's endeavors? If you have a friend running a marathon and you know damn well you could care less about speed, time, etc. do you simply send them words of encouragement or ask about their time so they will know you care? If you know your neighbor is out of town for some time, do you offer to look out for their home and get their mail? If you know someone just published a book, even if it's on a subject you could care less about, do you buy it?